Womans Hour

Usually one of my favourite programmes but just lately it's been a real turn off. Why? The producers have jumped on the 'as it's Christmas lets put everyone under pressure' band wagon. Yesterday, 23rd December, they had a phone-in with Agony Aunt, Deidre Sanders, on how to survive Christmas with the extended family. On 3rd December they had Delia answering cooking queries. Participants frequently used the phrase 'I want it to be perfect'. Why can't people accept that life happens? Save me from idiots!

On Reacting to Negative People - What Does It Achieve?

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, they can't take things in stride, they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. Dealing with these people can be quite a challenge. Negative people drain one's energy, deeply unhappy people will want to bring others down so that they are not suffering alone. Reacting is a waste of time because when people initiate negativity it is a reflection of their inner state. It’s not personal but it is easy to take it personally. Our ego likes problems and conflict, people are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to take others down with them. It is very easy to respond impulsively but it is not the smart thing to do. It does however feed our ego’s need for conflict. When we fight back, it feels really satisfying in our heads but it doesn’t feel very good in our soul. When we respond irrationally it turns the conversation from a one-sided negative expression into a battle of two egos. It becomes an unnecessary and unproductive battle for 'Who is Right'? When we’re emotionally charged, we are so much in our heads that we argue out of an impulse to be right, to defend ourselves, for the sake of our egos. Rationality and resolution can rarely arise out of an argument.

Apple Fantastic

Due to the weather the others cried off so I went to the Blackmoor Estate 'Apple Fair' on my own. Just as well because I came home with two apple trees and other goodies. As the car was filled up with my stuff there'd have been no room for passengers. Thank you Guardian Angel, you had my best interests at heart. As I hate crowds I set off early. There were lots of exhibitors, wild life, food producers, Blacksmith, Chair Bodger, Morris Dancers etc.... I left around lunchtime, far too many people and much too crowded for me A real treat was going up the Church spire for just £1.50. Narrow spiral stairs led to the bell ringers room where we saw the Victorian clock mechanism spring into action on the quarter hour. Nice to catch one's breath before the next stop which was the actual bell room. We saw one of the bells swing on it's axis while being rung by a volunteer in the room below. The final stop was the gallery which run round the base of the steeple. Lovely views but why did my legs feel like jelly? Journey down phased me a bit, parts of the spiral stairs were so dark I couldn't see where to put my feet. My apple trees were a real bargain at only £10 each, I just hope they thrive. James Grieve, the top one, is a very popular old Scottish apple variety. It was introduced in Edinburgh in 1893. These apples are a red flush stripe over a pale green. A juicy, crisp apple, they have an excellent flavour, hence their popularity. Red Windsor has a Cox type flavour and is a heavy cropper. It is a frost hardy apple tree, especially at blossom time. It has very compact and easy to grow with good disease resistance. This apple is the product of the cross between the apple varieties British Cox's Orange Pippin x German Sport of Alkmene and was first introduced in 1985. They will pollinate each other.

Crash Dummy

This 21 year old has written off three cars in three years and worries her parents to death. They're concerned, and quite rightly, that she'll do it again but won't walk away. Her confidence isn't dented, and she has the cheek to criticise her Mother for driving too cautiously. She commutes 60 miles every day and insists that she’s the more experienced driver. A feisty child will never take heed. As parents they'll always be in the wrong, but she'll expect them to pick up the pieces. You can't put an old head on young shoulders, it is a child's duty to push boundaries. It was ever thus, I seem to remember her Mother not taking much notice of me or anything I advised. All youngsters have to find their own way. I've advised the parents to give her advanced driving lessons for Christmas but will they take heed of me? If it was WWII and women had equal rights she'd be flying Spitfires. For five years I shared my home with a lodger. This young man wanted to learn to drive so lessons were booked. So he could gain experience I went out with him and I was usually terrified. He passed his test 1st time & it went to his head. For a token amount I sold him my J reg Micra and bought myself a W reg Clio. He crashed the Micra shortly afterwards. He drove like the 'Red Baron, I refused to let him drive me and as a passenger he constantly criticized my driving. That really rankled, I'm an experienced and competent driver, at one stage - during paid employment - I clocked up about 1000 miles every week. In the end a friend's husband, a former Police Officer, taught him defensive driving techniques. PS. The driving school car was also a Micra but the controls were on opposite sides. To overcome this obstacle he took it upon himself, and without seeking my permission, to alter the controls on my car. Apparently it was a job easily done. He's now married and lives in London.

On Love & Affinity

One can love one's relatives without having a particularly close-knit relationship. Personal values and lifestyle might have changed so much that there isn’t enough basic compatibility to form a strong common bond. Even though this might be the family one grew up with and shared many memories with, one's core values are so different now that one has moved on. Despite all these differences, one can be on good terms with each other and get along fairly well, but one's differences create such a big gap that one has to settle for being relatives without being close friends. If one is fortunate enough to have a close family that is wonderful but what if one's family isn't close? Dealing with this situation broadens one's definition of 'family'. I feel an unconditional connection with all human beings. I have a strong commitment to doing good for the planet as best I can. And a strong commitment to helping those who are less able. When I see people who are living very, very consciously and deliberately and who’ve dedicated their lives to the pursuit of a worthy purpose, I have a strong sense that on some level, those people are members of my surrogate family.

Motorhome Magazine Letter

My set up is an Autosleeper Symbol and would really love to connect with those who go it alone. My experience of couples is that they are set in their ways and very comfortable in their relationship with other couples. They have no idea what it is like for Solo's but maybe they don't know how to cope with us. I have previously attended rallies with established organisations but people's natural tendency to form cliques has put me off. My last rally was Bank Holiday May 2007. It was Caravan Club's National Rally at Blenheim Palace, with E Hants Centre whose members are mostly couples. I had rallied with them before and was know to the 'officers'. It rained solidly for the duration and I passed the time alone in the van watching the rain turn the site into a quagmire. I got into a right state worrying about getting off pitch and site. In the end I was towed off by total strangers. While driving home I kept thinking. "I've paid good money to go away and enjoy myself but I've been as miserable as sin, why did I put myself through that?" I dropped out of E Hants Centre shortly afterwards. I wrote and told them why I left but didn't get a reply and have been put off established clubs since then. The other thing about traditional established organisations is that they hold events like 'Dinner Dances'. Great for couples but not for people like me.

Fashion Accessory or Something Useful?

I couldn't justify spending over £100 on frivolity so my clothes, shoes and bags are bought in charity shops or Ebay.

But I have just spent a serious amount of money on a new toy, some 'Red Line' Telesteps.

It's a handy ladder for every situation. Always the right length. Always at a safe angle. A telescopic ladder that can help me reach heights of up to 5 metres, amost anywhere and it only weighs 11KG.

This morning I easily accessed the roof of one of my sheds and fitted new felt. The ladder is so sturdy I felt perfectly safe and for someone aged 65 & 5/6's I have to take extra care.

Not having a significant other to deal with this sort of thing a girl has to look after herself.

I will get more value out of these telesteps than any fashion accessory. I will save money by doing the jobs myself and I won't be exasperated by useless workmen so there'll be no drain on my emotional health. All in all, money well spent!!